Do you think if I hide under the bed, right under the bed with the suitcases waiting to go in the roof and the boxes of 'things' with no home that loiter there, Christmas will come and go and we wont notice it?
I love Christmas, really love it,but this year it's all going to be different.
We hit rock bottom yesterday.. a letter arrived in the post telling Pete to prepare himself for a very likely redundancy.He should find out today, his fate.
We have no insurance.We have no savings.We do however have an extremely large overdraft.
Scary times. Very ,very scary times.The boys have been primed that there will be no filled stockings, just a couple of things under the tree. I really hope they don't think I'm teasing like I used to when they were little, just to see their faces fill with glee at the unexpected presents that Santa Claus left for them in the night. I really hope they understand..
I couldn't even face decorating the tree this year, a tree that a nice Polish man let me have at a reduced price because I was a few quid short in my purse.Harry decorated it..he's such a good boy, it does look sweet..robins and toadstools, mooses and berries. We did have some spotty ribbon to go on it, but that can wait til next year. He's doing his best to make it all ok in a way that only a 15 year old boy knows how to.Quietly helping, doing the little things that mean a lot.
Gosh I sound a right miserable old tart don't I?.
I'm wired up to a blood pressure monitor at the moment,just coming to the end of its 24 hour stint..what a vile instrument that thing is! Needless to say I didn't get much sleep last night with the cuff round my arm suddenly inflating at hourly intervals and worrying about one thing or another..so I'm probably grumpier than usual.
The dog had a seizure and peed all over the floor, the boiler has packed in and I've had bronchitis..the recent operation I had hasn't worked it's magic yet so I'm still waiting with baited breath. I look in the mirror and see a stranger..a pasty looking person with dark rings round her eyes and no smile. I've lost the person I used to be and I'd really like her to come back for a bit.Every year we've lit a candle on Christmas eve and made a wish before bedtime. It's going to be a bit of a big one this year..I do hope he's listening!
One thing I am enjoying is other people's excitement, I love reading your happy blogs with pretty pictures and seeing what everyone else is getting up to.
This year I'm having Christmas through your eyes and it's all lovely..thankyou for that, for sharing it...for sharing the happiness with a grumpy old trout like me. x
*updated 17th December
Pete spent 7 hours awaiting his fate.Watching his work colleagues and good friends being called into a room, one after another and coming out with no job, no compensation, nothing but a look of sadness and dread on their faces.
Pete and only 2 of his colleagues still have their jobs.. for now, but they dont know how long they can keep them for.
He said it was awful, really awful ..waiting for your name to be called and knowing there's a family at home counting on you, depending on you.
Although he's pleased he has a job, I think he feels very guilty at the same time.
I can see it in his eyes.Those bright turquoise blue eyes I noticed 19 years ago are now tired and bloodshot.
One of the lads wives had just had their first baby and now today he has no job.
It's certainly become scary times we live in, very scary indeed.