A testing time (with added expletives)

Hello again, I guess you all get by now that I nearly peed my pants when I won that caravan then?(totally irrelevant silly cat photo of Basil in his 3D specs)

Blimey I'm getting more and more rubbish at this blogging lark these days and I wont even get started on my message skills..(lovespangle the reply to your eiderdown query is underneath your message on that 5 million eiderdowns post, I couldn't reply to you any other way!) oh and hello to all these new people that have suddenly found me on here! Also, I'm so sorry to the lady who sent me an email about the underground map cushions, I appear to have lost it somehow but they are teatowels I bought from an online London gift shop for a couple of quid..Google should help with finding those, if not Rockett St George has a rather fabulous underground map ready made one..(ooh I love that website)(photo borrowed from google)

Harry has the green one and it's really,really lovely (if a weeny bit expensive)

Right, it has been one of 'those' months..yep I knew it was too good to be true..I did say though didn't I? really I'm a size 10 underneath ..it's just the layers of thick skin I seem to have developed that makes me the mahoosive size I really am.Harry's naughty ginger bunny got taken by a fox one evening.Poor old Eddie, he was a nice bunny and we had had him for quite some years. I used to stroke his nose every morning which I really miss doing.It makes me sad to think of it as he was so friendly he would have no doubt gone up to the fox to say hello. The Fox has been snooping about since so we are extra vigilant in case he fancies a chicken dinner.Apparently the stinky boys need to 'mark' our territory to deter them..ewww!
Recently, quite out the blue and for no apparent reason,my debit card kept being declined,not funny when you have a weeks shopping bagged up in your trolley at the supermarket or you need petrol and your husband works away all week. Turned out some w*nker had cloned it and was swanning around using my name spending my hard earned spondoolies on wallpaper (£249 worth) and various other extravagant items all over the world totalling over £800. Luckily my bank had spotted it before I had and recognised that my identity had been stolen and I didn't lose any money.They blocked all the fraudulent activity as well as mine.Now we are getting strange phone calls instead from foreign sounding people that put the phone down when you start questioning them.ARRRGH.They obviously still have some of our details like our phone number and my kids names who they keep asking for.I wish they would just bugger off and leave us alone.
To top that thrilling week off I had to go in for a hideously painful biopsy which hurt so much this time it made me cry, the nurses thought I was going to pass out as I think I went rather pale afterwards.Harry and his girlfriend came with me to the hospital, just incase I couldn't drive home. He made me cringe with embarrassment as he asked in a very loud voice in the waiting area 'Mum have you just had a Chlamydia test?' I think that was the only 'girl thing' he could think of at the time!! Erm, no Harry I haven't!
It's times like these that I really miss Pete being around.Sometimes only a nice big man-hug will do to make things seem better. Teenage boys look at you as if your demented if you ask for a hug and tell you to 'stop being such a girl'. They just loiter a bit longer than usual to see if you're ok and make cups of tea. Tea solves everything in 'girlie world' (then they leave all the washing up for you)

Then...yes, there is more.. both the truck and Pete's car failed their MOT's within a week of each other..my truck which is normally fine, needed £500 worth of bodywork doing which the nice chap kindly let me pay for in installments, Pete's piece of sh*t Peugeot which is 12 years younger than my pickup truck has failed each year, it rattles and smokes and this time was the last straw. It really has been an sh*tty awful car and you wouldn't think it to look at as he kept it immaculate. So for our 13th wedding anniversary after doing lots of sums and umming and ahhing we did something rather scary, we bought a new car. A little pearly white sporty looking new car with less than 4000 miles on the clock and £35 a year road tax. I'm not really a fan of new cars but I'm quite taken with this one.It looks quite cheeky. Hopefully it's a reliable one. I'm especially impressed on how far you can go with just £10 of petrol! I dont think the boys were too impressed though. I was told it was 'ok, but a bit gay'. Strange how that word has changed meanings over the decades from meaning 'pretty or pleasant' in my parents generation to 'rubbish' in my childrens' via homosexuality in mine, a lady I used to garden for used to tell me I had a 'gay face' I was never quite sure how I should have reacted to that but seeing as she was well into her 80s I took it as a compliment! Anyway, I'm sure though I can live with the fact that my new car is a bit 'gay' even though it's probably very politically incorrect to say so.(no offence meant and I do tell them it's inappropriate to use that word for that meaning before you all hunt me down with dogs and pointy sticks)

The two stinky boys had some sad news too, when one of their young buddies was killed in a very tragic motorbike accident.If you live in Worcester or Malvern you may have read about it in the papers. I think it is every mothers nightmare to lose a child so suddenly.Pete and I have both lost best friends at a young age and it was sad to see them feeling the same way we did all those years ago.(another irrelevant Basil photo)

Last night I felt really unsettled, Wednesday evenings always seem to be horrid, we both seem to get 'middle week syndrome' but this one was particularly bad as I was tearful, irritable and comfort eating like it was my last day on Earth, I hadn't a clue why but I didn't go to sleep until after 3am but was woken up with a phone call early in the morning. Pete had had his lorry trailer broken into and some of the contents stolen, he woke up at 2am to find a Van pulled up along side and a gang armed with knives,slashing the side to get at the pallets of..wait for it...orange juice... inside. Stupidly he tried to get out of the cab to see what was going on, all bleary eyed and half a sleep after 15 hours of driving from one end of the country to the other.The gang saw him and tried to get at him in his cab, luckily they didn't as they would have wanted to make sure he couldn't get to the panic button they are fitted with and gawd knows what they would have done to him..six armed men against one. Scary stuff. The worse thing is that it's a sackable offence if your lorry is broken into, they have to get to a proper truck stop before they run out of driving time and the one he got to was full up so he was turned away. He's worried sick, so I hope Mr. Stobart understands his predicament. I guess you become tuned in to each other after 20 years and maybe that was why I felt like I did..who knows.Poor old Pete.
I'll be glad when he gets home on Friday.It's been a very long week indeed..

So, anyway, would you like to see inside 'Florence'..my vintage caravan?
There is quite a bit of painting to be done, some rewiring, a new floor, the glass replaced on the toilet window and all the soft furnishings, so it won't be even attempted for ages, we've got a whole list of other jobs to do first..(namely finishing that summerhouse, which Pete has now dismantled, leveled the base and put back together again..yay!)
There were all sorts of bits and bobs in it, loads of brand new cushions which all didn't match and weren't to our taste, infact everything you see in these 'before' photos came with her..

YIKES!!

needless to say,lots went to the charity shop and the poo stained porta-loo (urgh) went to the skip. After a clean and a clear out she looked just a weeny bit better..for now


The cute yellow frosted glasses were lying in the drawers, I think they are called 'sherbert' glasses or something.

She even had the original 1960s awning in a cupboard, as well as these odd bits and bobs;

A full first aid case, a working retro clock and a box of robin starch from the 1960s.The Bush radio was unfortunately well beyond repair.
There were also some strange framed modern prints of spacemen landing on the moon, so I'm guessing 'Our Flo' must be as old as me!
The recent paint job is really ropey, someone has practically troweled the varnish and paint on inside and out, we will just sand down and paint the inside all white to start with with add some nice little lights and some pretty floral curtains or maybe some gingham curtains or even some retro curtains! I can't decide.
I'd also rather like some bright coloured Formica worktops and a checkered floor. Still, I mustn't complain, It's just a few little jobs and for what we paid for her, she's pretty much ok otherwise.

I'm trying to wean myself off Cath Kidston at the moment, I loved it when it was something new and quirky back in the early 90s but now it seems like the world and his wife owns a bit, it all seems to have become a bit cheesy and mass produced.
That little original 1950s fabric washbag in the photo below is one such design that was tweaked and re-introduced by Miss K 40 years later.
Currently I'm going cold turkey, but it isn't working very well as I bought that scouty looking campfire/caravan badge blanket recently especially for Florence. Oops.As proof of why you should never throw anything out, I've found I'm drawn again to the things I liked 20+ years ago, 1950s things again and it was funny that I was only thinking how I'd like to hang an old swimming costume on a vintage Butlins coat hanger in the bathroom..I have some serious bathingsuit love at the moment...these two are recent finds to add to my old collection

and I was also thinking how I'd like to get some of my 1950s fabrics out the loft to sew some more funky atomic cushions when the most fabulous magazine fell onto my doormat with just such articles..
I'm absolutely loving Homes & Antiques magazine at the mo, I've been buying it for quite a few years and it just gets better and better each month (they are the fourth people to have asked me to do a housey feature thing but the house is really too unfinished at the moment..but how flattering is that?!!)Righty oh , I best go..especially after such an eventful bunch of tales I've left you with.. blimey what a misery guts I must sound but I'm quite a cheery person in real life -honest!
Hope you all at least have a good month!!x